Beautiful Messes

Beautiful Messes

When you were a kid did you ever arm or thumb wrestle only to be released from your opponent’s tight grasp by screaming Uncle or Mercy? Or is this just what us country folk with an address of RD#4 (rural delivery house 4) did for fun? No one wanted to be the person to give in. I’d twist and contort my body, face grimacing, giving it all of my might. But then sometimes it actually hurt, real bad, and I’d have to shout out “mercy”! And oh that sense of relief when the other person let go, phew!

I don’t know about you, but as an adult, one who is extremely independent and slightly strong-willed, I find it challenging to ask for help. Perhaps it’s the control freak in me, or maybe it’s the fact that I had to grow up pretty fast and take responsibility for my life? It’s probably a little bit of both. I’ve gotten better at this as I’ve matured, especially as a working Mom, knowing that I just can’t do it all. I’ll begrudgingly ask my husband, family and friends to step in when I need them. And I’ve really learned about being dependent on people when it comes to my neurological illness, sometimes I just can’t do things for myself.

Why then is it so hard sometimes to cry out to God? Why is it so hard to say to him “Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord; may your love and faithfulness always protect me. For troubles without numbers surround me…Be pleased to save me, Lord; come quickly, Lord, to help me”. – Psalm 40: 11-13

Especially when I know that he sees when I am struggling. He awaits my call.

I’ll give you an example. Work is stressful right now. I’m feeling frazzled, tired and antsy. On a day when I’m being disciplined, I’ll walk away from work, take a few deep breathes and open my bible. Even if all I do is rest my head on the open pages and pray. But then there are those other days. The days when I turn to everyone and everything but him. I text a friend. I e-mail my husband. I call someone. Maybe do a little overindulging with food. Some mind-numbing with Facebook or Netflix. Distract myself with a good book. I exercise (better than the food idea). And before I know it, its 10pm and I’ve never even talked to God, not once, not even a hello, how you doin’. It’s no wonder that when I plop my head onto my pillow my mind is spinning, my thoughts are careening and I can’t get to sleep. I know that I need him. I know that my day runs better with him in it. Some days I get all wrapped up in myself, I get all wrapped up in life. Yet I know that my life is his. He loves my beautiful mess- as the song by Hillary Scott goes:

So bring your thoughts, your flaws, your secrets.
And watch him use those broken pieces.

We ain’t perfect no.
We ain’t even close.
We got holes in our hearts.
We got scars we don’t show.
But all that baggage we.
Keep on dragging around.
Anytime we start laying down.

Lay it down at the foot of the cross.
Give it to the one who can carry it all.
Even at our worst, to him we ain’t lost causes.
Just beautiful messes.

No matter where you are right now.
Let thy grace come pouring down.

Here’s the song, I’m totally digging on it:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ~ Lamentations 3:22-23

The next time I’m in an arm or thumb wrestling match with this thing called life, I sure hope that I remember to cry out to him “Mercy Lord, I need you. I can’t do this without you. Please untangle my worries and hurts. Help me to trust, to release everything to you.” That sure beats twisting and contorting my body, face grimacing, giving it all of my might only to realize that I’m still hurting and sometimes it hurts real bad. And oh that sense of relief when I let go, phew!

Grace & Such strives to advance Christian growth among women. While we believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God, we also recognize human interpretations are imperfect. Grace & Such encourages our readers to open their Bibles, pray for wisdom and study for themselves what the Word says. For more about who we are, please visit the About Us page.
Tara Watson

Tara Watson

Tara Watson is married to her high school sweetheart and they have two kids. A recovering perfectionist meets extroverted introvert- the closer Tara Watson gets to Jesus the more she is learning to drop the labels.A few years ago, while battling a chronic neurologic illness nicknamed the suicide disease, she stopped questioning and started accepting that this too was part of God’s plan for her life. Once she decided to choose faith over fear, God began to radically change her life for the better. Building on this momentum, Tara stays focused on the urgent desire to be well and to live a life that honors Him. She strives to stay present minded and positive and to help others to do the same. Tara currently writes a wellness blog, co-leads a weight loss group and has a long term goal to be a Licensed Wellness Coach.
Tara Watson

Latest posts by Tara Watson (see all)

3 thoughts on “Beautiful Messes

  1. Diane

    ‘Especially when I know that he sees when I am struggling. He awaits my call.’ Amen to all, and Amen. Thanks, Tara! It is certainly something we all need a reminder about.

    Reply

  2. Gretchen

    Thank you, Tara. I would love to meet you in person someday soon to really check and see if we’re the same woman. 😂 You spoke life into my heart today. Needed this. Mercy, Lord.

    Reply

  3. Jen

    Preach! Sometimes my struggles are “too small or insignificant” to take to God, and yet they cause me undo stress. Why do I think this way? Why don’t I give them to Him?? And I, too, and so quick to text or email or call someone and unload on them instead of just going straight to God with the situation. GAH! I need to go back and read your post again.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *