Hmm… Can’t Say I Recall That

Hmm... Can't Say I Recall That

 

Reflecting back on the events that make up my life, there are memories I gladly push deep down into a mental compartment I know won’t be visited any time soon.  If the memory is too painful, I push it in the way back of that compartment where I imagine the cobwebs hang like thick curtains in the windows of my mind.  However, the happy times, including the birth of my children, my favorite pets, my first dance as an 8th grader, high school graduation, college graduation, competing in the Miss Pennsylvania pageant, packing up my life in Pennsylvania and trading in Philly pretzels for Fuzzy’s tacos.  Those events send me into slow motion as my mind’s VCR replays the moments, a smile crawls across my face and my heart is warmed…

When I began the journey to heal those deep set wounds, from those compartmentalized memories, I promised myself that those memories would be freed from cobwebbed shadows of my mind.  Instead, I’d face those skeletons and take a long, hard look at them.  I promised myself that in the remembering, I’d get to the root of the pain, rip it up and deal with it once and for all.  It hurt, and I cried.  I kicked.  I screamed.  I punched pillows.  I got quiet.  Finally, I asked God to help me process the pain from remembering those difficult times.  To use that pain to fuel my healing so I could be what He needed me to be to help those women who, like me, compartmentalize the painful moments of their life.

When I asked God to use me, I had no idea some of the things He would have me remember.  Things I had either never thought about or hadn’t thought about in years.  When faced with the source of my insecurity, He took me back to when I was 9 years old and my father was removed from our home.  I loved my father.  He was (still is) my hero.  I thought he’d be back.  When he didn’t return, my 9 year old heart sank.  The days turned into weeks and months.  Oh how I missed him. That was where the ugly root of insecurity sunk down into my being and got comfortable.  God showed me why I was in the abusive relationship I was in with my ex-husband and the hand insecurity played in it.  He showed me that my ex-husband, 10 years older than me, represented that father figure I was missing.  God also allowed me to remember the sadness, pain, feelings of abandonment and coming undone.  Through remembering, He was helping me face the monster under my bed; insecurity.

In Deuteronomy 8:2, He says,

And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that He might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. 

When you ask for healing, you ask to be reminded of those painful moments so when you come up out of the valley, you’ll always remember where you’ve come from (Revelations 2:5 ESV).

Life is hard sometimes, ok, a lot of the times and if you forget where you’ve been and how far you’ve come, God can’t really use you because you may think you’ve arrived (in my Morgan Freeman voice).  When you give your life to God, repent and fully surrender everything to Him, He requires a humble heart that will always remember how His grace and mercy have kept you through the storms we so often want to forget.  HOWEVER, when God delivers us from the messes we make, He wants us to remember …

I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.  Put me in remembrance; let us argue together; set forth your case, that you may be proved right. ~ Isaiah 43:25-26

As much as we try to forget, and in our forgetfulness we are held in bondage to the monsters under our bed, God wants us to remember His promises to always be with us no matter what (Joshua 1:9).  With a humble heart, courageously remember the twists and turns of life and allow God’s healing salve of forgiveness to heal those broken places within (Jeremiah 8:22; 46:11; Ezekiel 16:9).  If you remember nothing else written here, remember this: “For the LORD is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations (Psalm 100:5).”  God wants us to remember that He sacrificed His son, Jesus Christ, so that we would be free from the sin that so easily ensnares us (John 3:16; Hebrews 12:1).

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him ~ Psalm 34:8

Grace & Such strives to advance Christian growth among women. While we believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God, we also recognize human interpretations are imperfect. Grace & Such encourages our readers to open their Bibles, pray for wisdom and study for themselves what the Word says. For more about who we are, please visit the About Us page.
Denise Frank
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Denise Frank

Denise Frank is a 12th grade reading teacher and author who keeps busy with writing and her efforts to obtain a Master's degree in Psychology with emphasis on Applied Behavior Analysis. She's a mom to four and GG (Gorgeous Grandma) to one.
Denise Frank
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8 thoughts on “Hmm… Can’t Say I Recall That

  1. Rebecca Preston

    ‘As much as we try to forget, and in our forgetfulness we are held in bondage to the monsters under our bed, God wants us to remember His promises to always be with us no matter what’ Amen, Denise!

    Reply

    1. Denise

      Filling my mind w/God’s promises keep me grounded when everything else around me is chaotic.

      Reply

  2. Diane

    Remember to remember the right stuff. Thanks, Denise, for the sweet reminder of how God’s got our back. Every day, through it all.

    Reply

    1. Denise

      Yes, through it all…”I will never leave nor forsake you.”

      Reply

  3. Gretchen

    Awesome reminder, Denise! He is sooooo good (all of the time).

    It never ceases to amaze me how our family of origin affects so much of who we are. I don’t know why this amazes me, but it does. Grateful for a God who never leaves me, even as he helps me sort my stuff out.

    Reply

  4. Denise

    Yes He is! As my grad coursework winds down, much of what my research is about makes me sad. It makes me more mindful as a parent and how I approach things w/my kids. Yet, I’m so thankful that God allowed my life to unfold as it has so I’d always remember His grace and mercy and how truly faithful He is.

    Reply

  5. Tara

    So I was watching Steve Harvey today, the whole show was about comeback stories. Steve said “God ain’t through with you yet.” And his guest said “our God is a restorer and a healer.”
    Your life and story, all of our lives and stories- remind us that with pain also comes His promise of eternal peace and redemption.

    My childhood was a hot mess- yet I’m grateful for it because it’s drawn me closer to God.

    When you ask for healing, you ask to be reminded of those painful moments so when you come up out of the valley, you’ll always remember where you’ve come from (Revelations 2:5 ESV).

    Amen sistah!

    Reply

    1. Denise

      Those He calls have been through some things on this life journey. That’s why He can use us. He’s surely not done w/us yet!

      Reply

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