A Heart Of Longing
You know what I am always thankful for after the fact?
I am thankful that God doesn’t give me what I want right when I want it. [No, God this is not an invite for more of that!] 😉
In the waiting, there are plenty of tears and stomps of the feet. I don’t typically like the experience or enjoy it. However, the wise, spiritual part of myself knows that in the waiting, my intimacy with God grows tremendously more than in the times of getting what I want.
I am thankful I had to wait for a husband way longer than I thought was acceptable. The moments of doubt and loneliness drew me towards God and forced me to lean into my true security.
Most recently, I am thankful God had me wait for a full time therapy job. Oh, did my heart ever want an offer to prove my valuable contribution to the world. But I didn’t get what I wanted, when I wanted it. And I am thankful for that because I got to a point where I lived and experienced that my job title didn’t define my worth.
In these times of waiting, my heart overflows with aches, longings and desires. I attach identity to the desires. I find worth from the idea of obtaining these things. My mind becomes tangled in wants and envy as opposed resting in contentment and gratitude.
And slowly, God releases my grip on these desires. My tightly clenched fists loosen a bit and instead, I fold my hands together and surrender. Eventually I actually start to desire God more than the “gotta have item.”
I am left thankful for the times of longing because it leads to the only security that is wholly secure.
She is excited to share pieces of her heart with you. She hopes you will enter this journey of authenticity with all of us!
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April Jean, you & I were on a very similar wavelength this month. 🙂 I love how you mentioned that we try to attribute our value, as well as the value of wants in our life to these ‘things’, whatever they may be at the moment. I like to call it filling a God-sized hole with everything but God. Been there, done that! Thankfully, our patient Lord allows me to find my way back to Him each & every time. Thank you for your words.
Thank you, glad to hear that you get where I am coming from!! And yes, in those wants, we find or way back to him! Thankful for his grace!! 🙂
Great post, April. Sometimes we forget how smart God is and how perfect his plan for us is. But boy, how thankful we are when we finally figure it out! 🙂
Jen, I know – he is so smart!! He sees so much that I cannot – like you said, easy to forget that! 🙂