…take every thought captive to obey Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:5b
Well, as it seems God is dealing with me in the area of freedom. The initial post I’d plan to write was changed as I was getting a shower. Once again, a candid view into my head as I get really transparent with you; someone somewhere needs this as much as I do…
I’ve been divorced for a little over 5 years now.
Five years ago my plan was to take a year to regroup and get my mind right. Regain my financial footing and focus on the kids and me. According to my plan, I’d meet someone towards the end of that first year and by year two I’d be happily remarried. Five years later and I’ve failed miserably at dating. No problem meeting men, however, it seems my uniquely odd self is more than they are willing to entertain. If I hear another man tell me, “You’re a great catch and any man would be happy to have you,” again, I will surely scream at the top of my lungs like a crazy person. Ok, maybe not like a crazy person. Is that admission that I’m more than he’s willing to take on or an easy way to let me down? Not sure, but, anyway. So, tonight as I mulled that over in my head, while perusing the notifications from the Facebook dating group I was added to a couple months ago, I noticed the types of women men tend to gravitate to and they are so opposite me: a sports nut, basketball mom who dresses according to her mood despite whether or not someone else likes it or not. Depending on how unique I’m feeling, might even put on a maxi skirt with my favorite Wonder Woman Chuck’s. This is probably why I can’t pick my clothes out the night before; my mood dictates my outfit and that is ever changing.
So, back to my perusing of the Facebook page.
While in the shower it dawned on me <<Holy Spirit Alert>> that I have a healthy self-esteem and march to the beat of a different drummer whose name is God. He reminded me, via another Facebook post, that I was fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). That He knew me even before I was conceived (Psalm 139:13) and that in Him I move and have my being (Acts 17:28). In that moment, as the water hit me, a sense of calm settled over me. Right then He was freeing me from the thoughts of self-doubt, not being good enough or wanted even. I am enough because He said I am (Gen. 1:27). He wants me because He created me for His glory (Isaiah 43:7). My life has purpose (Exodus 9:16) because God didn’t create any junk. He knew I’d have wild thoughts from time to time and doubt myself too. Yet, He uses all of that to grow me up and help other women accept themselves as the perfectly flawed human beings they are. He knew I’d be added to that Facebook group and begin looking at myself only to realize that I’m exactly who He wanted me to be. That I don’t need to show cleavage, wear pounds of makeup, fake hair or eyelashes or don revealing outfits to feel good about myself or garner the attention of the opposite sex.
I say all of that to say this, whatever wild thoughts are occupying your mind as you read this, stop right here <<PREGNANT PAUSE>> and ask God to forgive you for questioning His creation (YOU) and using the world’s view to measure yourself against. Girl, there’s no one like you in this whole wide world. Then, ask God to free you from the negative thoughts that are ensnaring your mind so you can focus on more positive things that make you awesome (Ephesians 4:23 CEV). As you can see, I’m guilty as my human nature jockies for position in my life. I’m thankful for God’s loving kindness, grace and mercy. Also, I’m thankful that He loves me enough to check me when He see’s me venturing too far to the left. The writer of Romans sums it up succinctly in chapter 12 and verse 2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” My mind was renewed tonight and I’m ok with where I am right now relationally. It felt freeing deleting the notifications for the Facebook page and every notification from it and blocking any future ones that would surely come. To further free my mind, I have to refocus my attention on God. Believing in His plan and purpose for my life because it can’t be undone by me or anyone else for that matter (Job 42:2). Trusting and believing God will give you the same freedom. Be blessed.