Last week for my 44th birthday I got a home TRX fitness system. I decided that there is no better time to be in my best shape than now- plus the hashtag of fit forties just sounds so catchy. #fitforties
Not that I really know what to do with hashtags, but…anyway.
I took a picture of myself doing TRX to share with my Facebook wellness group. What happened next is extremely disappointing. Before I posted the pic, I proceeded to scrutinize my picture from head to toe <insert sigh here>. I know!!! I’m aggravated with me too. Like Car Sense’s multi-point vehicle inspection, I tore myself apart. Flabby triceps, over bubbly behind, flat chest, short torso. These thoughts really caught me off guard, especially given that:
1) I’m in the best shape of my life having maintained a 40 pound weight loss for the past 4 years.
2) I understand and accept that I’m way more than just my body. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16
3) I arm myself daily with Stuart Smalley affirmations- “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me.” If you don’t know who Stuart Smalley is, Google the Saturday Night Live skits, they’re good for a laugh, or at least I think so.
4) I know deep down in my soul that God loves me for me.
[pullquote width=”300″ float=”right”]Some days I just need to slow down, to bask in and be awed by His great love for me. To remember that I am a unique creation, a one of a kind original work, signed by God, sealed with love.[/pullquote]As I write this, I’m irked at how far I’ve come yet how (obviously) far I need to go in showing myself some love. I’m agitated at this whole situation because my belief system says otherwise. I believe that God not only surrounds me, He is within me. Therefore if God is love, love is within me. His love is within me. Through Him I have love for those who are easy to love and also practice loving those who are a little more challenging to love. I really do work at this. Within my family, friendships, workplace, heck even at Target when I want to run someone over with my cart or at least nip their heel. Don’t judge.
Grace. Acceptance. Remembering that everyone has a story that runs deeper than we might ever know.
Unconditional Love. Meeting people where they are and loving them for who they are.
Why then on some days is it so hard to be more loving to myself? I am SO thankful for the gift of life. I’m thankful to be here, I am grateful to be me, to have this life. Navigating a chronic neurological condition since 2001, I cherish each day God gives me and the gift of good health. I truly do celebrate life. It’s one of the reasons why I want to go back to school to become a Wellness Coach. I want to help others to be well, to live well. One of my missions is to help others to “love themselves where they are while helping them to become who they want to be.” Every day I want to live my life with a sense of urgency and the desire to honor God with my mind, body and spirit.
It’s on days like these that I need to spend extra time with God in prayer and scripture reading. When I do, I’m reminded of who I am and of His great love for me. Like the words of Jason Gray’s song- Remind Me Who I am:
When I lose my way,
And I forget my name,
Remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see,
Is who I don’t wanna be,
Remind me who I am.
In the loneliest places,
When I can’t remember what grace is.
Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.
Some days I just need to slow down, to bask in and be awed by His great love for me. To remember that I am a unique creation, a one of a kind original work, signed by God, sealed with love.
The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. ~ Zephaniah 3:17
How crazy is it to think that God rejoices over our lives? That He celebrates who we are?
“For every throb of joy in man’s heart, there is a wave of gladness in God’s.” -Alexander MacLaren
And so today I celebrate my selfie. I will love myself where I am while working on who I want to be. Celebrating that I am healthy, I am whole. I am His and I am me.