Live Like You Believe You Are Plenty
If I was to consider all the reasons I have to be miserable, mean, bitter, and a host of other ugly things, I could find plenty of instances throughout my life that would give me an excuse. If I were to consider all the people who’ve hurt me throughout my lifetime, I’d have plenty of reasons to never want friendships, or relationships in general. If I were to think of all the times that I’ve felt unloved, unwanted, and not enough, I would have plenty of excuses to stay stuck in the past and wallow in my own hurts, hang-ups and pain.
But what fun would that be?
Since I’ve turned 40, it seems as if a giant light bulb has been illuminated in my once dusty, stagnant brain. For 35 years I believed I wasn’t good enough. Mostly because of my mother’s decision to send me away at age five. But I’ve learned that what she chose to do so many years ago was a decision that was best for her and had little or nothing to do with my worth.
The adults in my life from that time on belittled and constantly, unrelentingly put me down as I was in the most impressionable years of my adolescence. When I left home on the day of my 18th birthday I had no self-esteem, self-worth or any positive thoughts about who I was, except that I was “pretty”. It’s taken me until my 40s to realize that I am exactly who God created me to be. I’ve noticed that I have a lot of talents, I’m “pretty” smart, I’m empathetic and honest, and encouraging, and a good mom, woman, sister, friend, aunt and mammy (grandma).
There are plenty of reasons and plenty of ways to be stuck in our own pit of “poor me”, but if you let other people’s actions and opinions shape who you are, it’s going to be a really sucky life experience. Trust me, I’ve lived it for you. Until you realize how pointless living for and from other people’s expectations, or their pain, really is.
You see, I’ve also come to the realization that “hurt people, hurt people”. I don’t know what hurt my mother to do such a thing, but I’ve decided it has nothing to do with me. My aunts and uncles who “raised” me alongside my grandmother were hurt terribly by their own father. They took their own pain out on me because a child is an easy target and one you can control. I don’t know my grandfather’s story, I just believe I dodged a huge bullet when he died in 1982.
And I also know, without a doubt, that not one of those mentioned think twice about the affect they had on the pain in my life. And I’m okay with it now. God has shown me over and over the past few years that I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be, BUT that I’m still in need of growth. Undoing 40 years of negative behavior is not easy, and I’ve had to admit a lot of yucky stuff about myself and change those things.
But I’ve never felt more alive, more on-fire, more loved, more perfect. You see, I’ve also realized that there is plenty of room for growth in everyone’s heart, soul and mind. The more you see your true self, the more you will fall in love with who God has created you to be, the more you’ll feel and live your purpose.
You’ll truly believe that who you are right now, is PLENTY. But will always be honest and open in knowing that there is always work to be done. Embrace who you are and love who God has created you to become. But never stop looking for ways to love and act better. The world needs more of that.
You are plenty. You just are. Now go live like it.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” ~Philippians 4:12 {NIV}
Lover of all things Jesus. Coffee. Wine. Dessert. Not necessarily in that order.
Philadelphia Eagles, baby!! Fair weather cycle rider.Reformed “mean girl” stumbling her way to joy.
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What a great encouragement this post is, Tina! You are an “overcomer” with the help of the Lord. Your words remind me that a root of bitterness is a harmful thing. The joy is the Lord, being enough in Him, is the antidote. Thanks for these words.
Thank you for your kind words <3
Thanks, Tina, for sharing your evolution from who ‘they’ were saying you were/are to who God has created you to be. I love that you have emerged as this wise, healed woman of God. “The more you see your true self, the more you will fall in love with who God has created you to be, the more you’ll feel and live your purpose.” Powerful statement from someone who has lived it out loud!! Thanks!