Peace is something that I really struggle with. Recently I was diagnosed with anxiety, even though I’ve pretty much known for a while. I am also a control freak; I like things to be done a certain way and in a certain amount of time. This isn’t new, either. My dad has called me a bossy-moo-cow (a term he learned from my Oma) since I was about four. So peace is something I have a hard time finding. I get so caught up in my anxiety and all of my worries that I don’t really get to enjoy peace.
Lying in bed at night, I think about all of the things I’ve done wrong that day, or how I wasn’t good enough, or how I sounded like an idiot, or if I could just be a little better at something and then everyone else would like me more. I think about these things so hard it makes me sick to my stomach. And let me tell you, that is no way to live. Constant worry and anxiety stand in my way, every single day, of finding peace.
As of lately, my twenty-something brother (who acts more like he’s forty-something), started to get my butt in gear. This happened when some crazy and stressful boy-stuff was happening in my life a little bit ago. Seeking advice and wisdom, I called my dad who then told me to call my brother. During this long phone call, he asked me how my relationship with Jesus was. Being honest, I told him that I was going through a rough patch with JC. In an instant, he told me that was why I was so stressed and anxious all the time, that I hadn’t given my troubles to Jesus and had tried to deal with them on my own. He then proceeded to give me homework, which included reading a certain book in my bible and doing a devotional every day. When the call was almost over, he left me with this verse: “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:30. The following week, I got my ish together and the results were instantaneous. My anxiety was little to none and I just didn’t feel like I had to carry my boy burden anymore. It was the most amazing thing that I’ve felt in the longest time.
Even though I’ve been struggling with my anxiety in the past few days, I still feel God’s presence telling me to cast my burdens onto Him. That even when I’m at my weakest, He is there to pick me up, dust me off, and keep me moving. I understand that anxiety is a real thing and I have been blessed to be able to see a counselor (a campus counselor who also loves Jesus on the down low) to help me get a grasp on it, but having the Lord on my side and having that reassurance that He wants to take my burdens has helped me even more than I could have dreamed of.
I may not be an expert in anything, let alone peace, but knowing that His yoke is easy and His burden is light helps me find peace and comfort when I need it most. Thank goodness for twenty-something brothers who act like they’re forty-something and phone calls that help me figure out what peace is to me.