Surrendering to a Life of Uncertainty

The idea of life being outside of my control has always been something I have grappled with. You see, I don’t like change; in fact, I loathe it. Change and I have not-so-peacefully coexisted for many years now, and I still struggle with accepting that it will always be a part of my life.

I remember starting my senior year of high school and thinking to myself, “this is just a transition year, transitioning out of high school and into college, but after that the dust will settle.” Right? Absolutely wrong. I soon realized the dust never really settles. To an extent life may be more consistent at times, rather than being in a state of utter chaos, but at the same time life is never going to be certain. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I hate that concept because I want control. I wish every part of my life was in my control because I don’t like change, I don’t like being out of my comfort zone, I don’t like letting other people lead, I don’t like letting go of my desires and hopes, I don’t like uncertainty!

One of the hardest things for me to realize is that I only have the illusion of total control.

God is the one who ultimately runs the show, and I need to surrender to that daily. I need to surrender to the uncertainty of a life following Christ.

Going beyond that, something I often forget is that there is an inexplicable, overwhelming peace that comes once I surrender, once I accept.

I don’t have to be in control. I have found there is abundant peace, joy and reward that comes with surrendering my illusion of control, and letting God lead me towards my next step. I hold on to this sense of control and this illusion of my own power because life is full of some really big obstacles. It isn’t easy, so I want it to be predictable. I want to know what to expect and how to prepare for the challenges that may come our way.

I have the word “Trust” tattooed on my ankle because I need a constant reminder that God is worthy of my trust, that my God’s character is loving, that he is all-knowing so when I am uncertain, I can lean on him. This is something I battle with daily as I face the doubts that come with uncertainty. I struggle with surrendering and so instead I worry about what is out of my control. And when I put it that way, that I’m choosing to worry about what is outside my control, I feel silly.

During these past months I have been reading through the Old Testament and a constant theme I tend to see is God calling people into unknown and uncertain circumstances. He has a divine plan and he wants to use those who follow him, because he created and gifted us with many talents and abilities which can be used for his kingdom. We are fully known by him, he knows all of our circumstances, and there is nothing in our life he hasn’t already seen coming. But we still try to run from where God calls us like Jonah when God called him to Nineveh. We try to take matters into our own hands like Sarah and Abraham when God told them they would have a baby. We try to tell God we’re not qualified or we aren’t capable, that we can’t trust him with that part of our life, or we can’t believe he would want to use us in that way. And the truth is we may not be qualified or capable or certain of anything in this life, which is why it is ever so important for us to lean on the one who is capable, qualified, certain, constant, worthy of trust, who knows us deeply, whose character is loving, who knows the desires of our hearts.

Surrendering to the uncertainty of a life following Christ is about trusting a God who is certain.

My prayer this month is that I would embrace uncertainty, holding my life and my plans in open hands, because my life is not my own and I am a vessel for Christ.

Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale? Who is able to advise the Spirit of the LORD? Who knows enough to give him advice or teach him? Has the LORD ever needed anyone’s advice? Did someone teach him what is right or show him the path of justice? No, for all the nations of the world are but a drop in the bucket. They are nothing more than dust on the scales. He picks up the whole earth as though it were a grain of sand. ~Isaiah 40:12-15 (NLT)

Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing. O Jacob, how can you say the LORD does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The LORD is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not go weary. They will walk and not faint. ~Isaiah 40:26-31 (NLT)

• Author
• Recent Posts

Jenny Hanna

Jenny is a college student at Washington State University, studying Human Development and Risk and Crisis Communication. Lucky for Grace & Such, she has discovered a love of writing as a way to express herself, her feelings, and her faith.

Latest posts by Jenny Hanna (see all)

• What I Learned About Fasting – Then and Now - March 21, 2018
• Surrendering to a Life of Uncertainty - January 19, 2018