I’m coming out of a bit of a “season”, as we Christians like to call it. It wasn’t pretty. I’ve lost a lot.
But it has become the most beautiful experience of my life thus far.
I’m still kinda in the midst of battling with myself about whether people think I’m fake. I pray about it, but I still struggle with valuing other people’s opinions over what I have discovered about myself in the past few years. I’ve been carrying a chip around for way too long. I believe in my heart of hearts that God used a tragedy to bring me closure and teach me who I truly am.
The girl who really wanted to be happy.
I’m thankful that I have something to be thankful for. Even after all that has been lost in this season, I have gained so much more.
I’m free of the wounds I’ve carried with me my whole life. Those wounds have caused me to make some poor choices, hold onto unhealthy relationships, and believe lies about myself.
I’m thankful for the friendships I have and the ones that no longer exist. I’m thankful for the positive way I interact with my kids.
I’m thankful for the way I now see myself. I’m no longer unwanted and unloved.
I’m thankful for a God who sat with me in the darkest, saddest places and lifted me up with his truth. He walked some people in and walked some of them out of my life. He has taught me patience and understanding and compassion.
Now don’t get me wrong, I screw this all up on a daily basis. But I also try harder every day not to.
I’m thankful for a God who loves me so much that He waited for me all these years to FINALLY give all my hurts and sorrows to Him so that He could heal them.
I’m thankful for where I am right at this very moment.
I’m thankful I’ve learned to be thankful.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be THANKFUL. Let the word of Christ dwell in your richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. ~ Colossians 3:15-16